Your loved one can no longer do the many tasks they once could. They now depend on you for many of these things. The easiest solution may be to simply take over and make decision, but it’s important to be respectful of your loved ones. As a caregiver, you want to protect your loved one’s dignity and sense of self-worth.
Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if your independence had slipped away. You can no longer drive, walk, or get out of bed. These once simple tasks now require help from someone else. How would this make you feel? You may feel frustrated. This loss of freedom would most likely cause you to want to keep control over as much as you possibly could.
Here are some helpful suggestions:
- Put yourself in your loved one’s place. How would you want to be treated if you were being cared for?
- Educate yourself on your loved one’s condition. This can prepare you for what’s ahead.
- Help them do what they can on their own for as long as possible. This will give them a sense of control.
- Talk openly and honestly with your loved one. Try to involve them in decisions and be a good listener.
- Be flexible. Try an accommodate reasonable requests if you can.
- Give positive feedback if your loved one does a task on their own.
Grieving for loved ones who are experiencing a life-limiting illness is natural for families and friends. This process can often begin before death occurs. Abode Hospice & Home Health Bereavement Services are available for those who are coping with losing a loved one. Our staff is committed to working closely with families who are working through the grieving process. Our services include:
- One-on-one support
- Print materials
- Supportive phone calls
- In-home support sessions
Our support is available to families for up to 13 months following the loss of a loved one. We also host monthly support group sessions at our Abode Hospice & Home Health locations. Support groups offer families and friends a platform to share their experience with others in the community who are facing similar situations.
Our services don’t stop once your loved one has passed. We are committed to helping families and friends of patients even after they are gone. Please contact us for more information about our Bereavement Services.
A life-limiting illness is an incurable chronic disease or condition that no longer respond to curative treatments.
Examples of a life-limiting illness include:
- Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia
- Parkinson’s Disease
- Heart Disease
- Pulmonary Disease
- Liver Disease
- End-stage Renal Disease
A life limiting illness, coupled with symptoms below, could be indicators of decline and hospice eligibility:
- Frequent hospitalizations, ER visits, or visits to the physician within the last six months
- Progressive weight loss (with consideration to weight gain factors such as edema, when applicable)
- Decreasing appetite
- Dysphagia or difficulty swallowing
- Increased weakness or fatigue
- Decline in cognitive status or functional abilities
- Increasing assistance needed with Activities of Daily Living (ADLs)
- Increasing pain or increasing difficulty in controlling pain
- Increasing dyspnea or shortness of breath
- Oxygen dependency
- Reoccurring infections
- Increased nausea and/or vomiting that is difficult to control
- A desire to forgo future hospitalizations
- A request to discontinue treatment
- Recurrent or frequent infections
- Skin breakdown
- A specific decline in condition
If you or a loved one has a life-limiting illness and are experiencing any of the above symptoms, consider speaking to your physician about hospice services. You can also call Abode Hospice & Home Health, and one of our team members can help guide you through the process of requesting hospice through your physician.
“Every person we have an opportunity to serve is unique and precious. Some people just press upon our hearts in such a way that they become unforgettable.
M.B. (patient) was a wonderful husband, father, friend, and an exemplary citizen. He loved serving in our community as a Peace Officer.
His wife, who loved him deeply and cared for him with self abandon stated, “He is a pillar of our family.” M.B. spoke with such pride about his wife and children. How he loved his family and life in general.
He also loved to talk about how much he loves God. “He visited me in this room,” M.B. said. “When I felt lonely, it was very comforting for me to see Him.” “I must have done something good to deserve this,” the patient added.
As I played Estern Orthodox Vespers songs the patient enjoyed listening to, he noticed the image of the Mother of Jesus on my phone that was being shown along with music. Though it was already difficult for him to move his arm, he slowly crossed himself with reverence. His faith was deeply important to him.
On the day he died, his wife and kids embraced and cried together for a long time. “We will be Ok,” she reassured them.
The patient’s wife expressed deep gratitude for all the hospice team members who embraced her husband, her and their kids with care. “I could not have done it without you,” she stated.
What you do matters. It matters more than you may EVER know.
Thank you for your heart that was offered so generously for this precious family and all persons and families you care for.”
Chaplain Rev. Stacy Gadeliya, M.A.
Let yourself grieve. It’s important to let yourself take this roller coaster ride and feel your emotions rather than suppress them. No matter how hard you try to bury those feelings of grief, they will continue to resurface, and you won’t be able to truly move on. Start the healing process by giving into grief.
Lean on friends and family. Your friends and family expect you to be upset. While they may not always know the right things to do or say, they do want to be there for you even if it’s just to listen or offer affection. Never feel too proud or embarrassed to lean on them in this time of need.
Join a support group – online or offline. Whether you find a group through social media or in person, support groups provide ways to talk and listen to others who are in the same position and truly understand what you are going through.
Focus on the positive aspects of your life. The loss you are experiencing could feel like the worst thing that’s ever happened to you and no one can change your mind. Despite this, what you need to do is reflect on all the good aspects that continue to bless your life and are worth pushing through the grief.
Keep yourself busy. Become more involved, go on a trip, try something new – participate in activities you enjoy and that can keep you focused on something other than your grief. Redirect your energy into doing things you’ve always wanted to do but never prioritized.
Breathe. If ever you find the grief to be too overwhelming, take a few deep breaths. The body’s breathing becomes shallow when we are feeling tense or stressed, resulting in insufficient oxygen to the body. This adds to the stress you are already feeling, so focusing on conscious, deeps breaths helps you relax and breathe normally.