5 Tips | Grief & The Holidays

The holiday season is here, which means family get-togethers, gift-giving, and happy times. For some this is the case, but for others, this can be a time filled with grief and sadness. Holidays are for spending time with those we love the most, so how can someone be expected to handle this time when a loved one has died? 

If you are missing a loved one this holiday season, here are some tips to help you take a step back from the grief and survive the holidays. 

 

Tip One: Be prepared for grief triggers.

Let’s be honest, triggers are particularly evident during the holidays. Preparing for these triggers and having a plan to cope with them can make the triggers more manageable if you encounter them.

Tip Two: It’s okay to take a break from togetherness. 

Plan to get some space from the holiday chaos if you need it. Being surrounded by family and friends is great, but everything all at once can be emotionally overwhelming and hard to overcome. Don’t feel guilty about your grief. It is important to be conscious of your limits and take some time to collect yourself.

Tip Three: Seek gratitude. 

The holidays are a time to gather together, eat good food, and share what we’re thankful for. If you’ve recently lost a loved one, grief can make it difficult to feel thankful. Although you may be focusing on the loss, try and remember the good things that relationship brought into your life. Search for that gratitude. 

Tip Four: Decide which traditions you want to change or keep.

Acknowledge that things will be different this year. Some holiday traditions will remind you of your lost loved one, but it is okay to limit which of these you allow yourself to practice or not. Take time to determine which traditions will make you happy and which will overwhelm you. 

Tip Five: Say yes to help. 

Although you may typically play host during the holidays, this year may be too much to take on alone after losing your loved one. Accept help when it’s offered. Remember there is no shame in saying yes. Those who love you want to help. 

 

The holidays can be hard for those who have recently lost a loved one. Grief can be especially unavoidable during these times, but it is important to remember that you can still feel joy through the grief. Taking these tips into account can help you prepare for that grief and make your holidays more enjoyable despite your recent loss.

Dear Mom

I see you, but it isn’t you.  The same eyes, the same smile, the same face.

But you’re leaving me, one breath at a time, going to a peaceful place in your mind

where there’s no place for me.

The arms that used to hold me are quiet at your sides.  The legs that used

to take me for long walks are still.  Gone are the memories of my childhood.  You

recognize me, but you no longer KNOW me.

Week by week you turn further inward, and I can’t reach you there to bring

you back.  I can only keep watch, and laugh with you on a good day, and retreat to my

room and cry when confusion clouds your every thought.

I will love you, and care for you, and keep you safe until you leave, and

the memories I’ll have on this journey will give me peace until we’re together again

Your Loving Daughter

Volunteering with Hospice

Volunteers are an essential part of a hospice team, participating in roles from directly interacting with patients to helping with fundraising efforts. Hospice volunteers often describe their work as purposeful, validating, and meaningful. Hospice volunteers are at the heart of every hospice operation and are valued greatly.

How Hospice Volunteers Serve

Supporting Patients

This is a huge part of what hospice volunteers do. These tasks can include: visiting with patients, reading, taking walks, helping communicate for patients, bringing in therapeutic items, or supervising therapeutic visits. This list is not all-encompassing, and volunteers can do so much more for the patients they work with.

Comforting Family Members

Volunteers can do anything from listening to family members, sitting with them, or helping them with simple tasks like running errands or taking care of family pets. They are also able to help family members have some time alone by sitting with patients while family members take a nap or walk.

Fundraising and Administrative Work

Volunteers can also help hospice organizations by using their skills in the office with administrative duties. Fundraising efforts can include helping with mailings, contacting donors, facilitating events or writing thank-you letters.

Special Skills and Interests

In addition to everything listed above, each volunteer has their own set of skills or interests that could be of use to the hospice they are volunteering for. This could include skills such as: landscaping, musicians, barbers, notaries, sewing, etc. If you feel that your local hospice could benefit from a skill you enjoy, reach out!

 

If you or someone you know is interested in volunteering with Abode Hospice, please reach out by contacting one of our offices near you today.

One Final Game

Abode Hospice & Home Health was able to make this patient’s dream come true of attending one final Broncos game with his granddaughter. This was a very special event for the both of them, as you can tell by their heart-warming smiles. Victor loves the team and was overflowing with excitement throughout the entire game.

This experience was made possible by Bristol Brewing Company. Thanks to their generosity and donating two tickets for Victor and his granddaughter, they were able to share this unforgettable experience together.

Abode Hospice & Home Health is honored each time we can help make patients’ wishes come true at the end-of-life. We strive to provide unique, individualized care to each of our patients.

Breast Cancer Awareness | Be Involved

Did you know? October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This month is dedicated to increasing awareness of breast cancer, raising funding for research into the cause, prevention, diagnosis, treatment, and cure of breast cancer, and providing information and support for those with breast cancer or for those who may be at risk for breast cancer. Here are six ways that you can get involved:

Offer support! Consider charities that focus on supporting those with breast cancer. Charities that assist with gas cards, wigs, the payment of treatment, makeup classes, etc. are all excellent ways to support the fight against breast cancer. Or, if you know of someone personally affected by breast cancer, offer to assist them. Something as simple as offering to bring them dinner or to help with their housework can be a big relief during a physically and emotionally demanding time.

Donate to research initiatives. Look for charities that use funding to research a cure for metastatic breast cancer.

Know the signs and symptoms of breast cancer. According to Clearview Cancer Institute in Huntsville (www.clearviewcancer.com), any of the following signs and symptoms would warrant a consult with a physician:

  • A lump in the breast or underarm area
  • An enlargement of pores around the breast or nipple area (often described as an orange peel’s texture)
  • Dimpling on the breast
  • Unexplained swelling or shrinkage of one of the breasts
  • An inverted nipple
  • Nipple discharge that is clear or bloody

Complete Breast Cancer Screening. Encourage others to do the same! Unfortunately, many people with early stages of breast cancer do not exhibit symptoms, which makes it critically important for patients to schedule yearly mammograms and to complete regular self-exams. According to cancer.org, the latest guidelines recommend that women should begin having yearly mammograms by age 45 and can begin to have mammograms every other year beginning at age 55. The Centers for Disease Control states that the United States Prevention Services Task Force External (USPSTF) recommends that you speak to your physician about when and how often you should receive a mammogram, as certain risk factors may warrant an earlier exam.

Regularly perform Self Breast Exams. Encourage others to do the same! According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, self-exams should be completed once a month. For a information on how to perform a self-breast exam, visit https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-self-exam.

Know the risk factors and share those factors with others! Some factors, such as gender, age, and genetics are beyond your control. But other factors, such as lifestyle and diet, can decrease your risk of breast cancer. Visit https://www.breastcancer.org/risk/factors for a comprehensive list of risk factors.

It’s Okay to Feel Shocked

The death of a loved one is a hard reality to grasp. Often, it can feel like a bad dream that you just can’t wake up from. Although you may know that your loved one is very sick or in the process of dying, the unavoidability of dying always feels sudden, unforeseen and unbelievable. It’s shocking.

It is important to recognize that shock is a natural part of the grieving process and can occur many times before the loss fully settles in. Although it doesn’t feel normal, it’s your body’s way of handling painful experiences. Given time, the shock will weaken, but you must understand this process is hard, and it takes time to accept death.

Most of all, keep in mind that although the grieving process is difficult and the loss is shocking, there will come a time when you will acknowledge and accept the loss. You will always remember the loved ones you have lost, but you do not need to always grieve their absence.

If you find yourself struggling with the shock and overwhelming grief of losing a loved one, keep these phrases in mind:

  • Allow your grief
  • Be patient with yourself
  • Be willing to change things

 

Our bereavement services are available to families for up to 13 months following the loss of a loved one. We also host monthly support group sessions at our Abode Hospice & Home Health locations. Support groups offer families and friends a platform to share their experience with others in the community who are facing similar situations. Please contact us for more information about our bereavement services. 

Keeping Dignity | Caregiver Tips

Your loved one can no longer do the many tasks they once could. They now depend on you for many of these things. The easiest solution may be to simply take over and make decision, but it’s important to be respectful of your loved ones. As a caregiver, you want to protect your loved one’s dignity and sense of self-worth.

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if your independence had slipped away. You can no longer drive, walk, or get out of bed. These once simple tasks now require help from someone else. How would this make you feel? You may feel frustrated. This loss of freedom would most likely cause you to want to keep control over as much as you possibly could.

Here are some helpful suggestions:

  • Put yourself in your loved one’s place. How would you want to be treated if you were being cared for?
  • Educate yourself on your loved one’s condition. This can prepare you for what’s ahead.
  • Help them do what they can on their own for as long as possible. This will give them a sense of control.
  • Talk openly and honestly with your loved one. Try to involve them in decisions and be a good listener.
  • Be flexible. Try an accommodate reasonable requests if you can.
  • Give positive feedback if your loved one does a task on their own.

Our Bereavement Services

Grieving for loved ones who are experiencing a life-limiting illness is natural for families and friends. This process can often begin before death occurs. Abode Hospice & Home Health Bereavement Services are available for those who are coping with losing a loved one. Our staff is committed to working closely with families who are working through the grieving process. Our services include:

  • One-on-one support
  • Print materials
  • Supportive phone calls
  • In-home support sessions

Our support is available to families for up to 13 months following the loss of a loved one. We also host monthly support group sessions at our Abode Hospice & Home Health locations. Support groups offer families and friends a platform to share their experience with others in the community who are facing similar situations.

Our services don’t stop once your loved one has passed. We are committed to helping families and friends of patients even after they are gone. Please contact us for more information about our Bereavement Services.

Life-Limiting Illnesses – When to Call Hospice

 

A life-limiting illness is an incurable chronic disease or condition that no longer respond to curative treatments.

Examples of a life-limiting illness include:

  • Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia
  • Stroke
  • ALS
  • Parkinson’s Disease
  • Heart Disease
  • Pulmonary Disease
  • Liver Disease
  • End-stage Renal Disease
  • AIDS
  • Cancer

A life limiting illness, coupled with symptoms below, could be indicators of decline and hospice eligibility:

  • Frequent hospitalizations, ER visits, or visits to the physician within the last six months
  • Progressive weight loss (with consideration to weight gain factors such as edema, when applicable)
  • Decreasing appetite
  • Dysphagia or difficulty swallowing
  • Increased weakness or fatigue
  • Decline in cognitive status or functional abilities
  • Increasing assistance needed with Activities of Daily Living (ADLs)
  • Increasing pain or increasing difficulty in controlling pain
  • Increasing dyspnea or shortness of breath
  • Oxygen dependency
  • Reoccurring infections
  • Ascites
  • Increased nausea and/or vomiting that is difficult to control
  • A desire to forgo future hospitalizations
  • A request to discontinue treatment
  • Recurrent or frequent infections
  • Skin breakdown
  • A specific decline in condition

If you or a loved one has a life-limiting illness and are experiencing any of the above symptoms, consider speaking to your physician about hospice services. You can also call Abode Hospice & Home Health, and one of our team members can help guide you through the process of requesting hospice through your physician.

What We Do Matters

“Every person we have an opportunity to serve is unique and precious. Some people just press upon our hearts in such a way that they become unforgettable.

M.B. (patient) was a wonderful husband, father, friend, and an exemplary citizen. He loved serving in our community as a Peace Officer.

His wife, who loved him deeply and cared for him with self abandon stated, “He is a pillar of our family.” M.B. spoke with such pride about his wife and children. How he loved his family and life in general. 

He also loved to talk about how much he loves God. “He visited me in this room,” M.B. said. “When I felt lonely, it was very comforting for me to see Him.” “I must have done something good to deserve this,” the patient added.

As I played Estern Orthodox Vespers songs the patient enjoyed listening to, he noticed the image of the Mother of Jesus on my phone that was being shown along with music. Though it was already difficult for him to move his arm, he slowly  crossed himself with reverence. His faith was deeply important to him.

On the day he died, his wife and kids embraced and cried together for a long time. “We will be Ok,” she reassured them. 
The patient’s wife expressed deep gratitude for all the hospice team members who embraced her husband, her and their kids with care. “I could not have done it without you,” she stated.

What you do matters. It matters more than you may EVER know.
Thank you for your heart that was offered so generously for this precious family and all persons and families you care for.”

Gratefully,
Chaplain Rev. Stacy Gadeliya, M.A.